THE FAMILY JOURNEY
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New Years Day
Our relationship with New Year's Eve was rather hit or miss, depending on the ages of our children. However, we were much better about New Year's Day. From the time our children were around 2nd-3rd grade, we began introducing them to the concept of goal setting. After all, New Year's Day is a time to reflect over the past year while setting goals for the new year.
With 5 members in our family, 5 has kind of become our number over the years. With that said, we created 5 categories to help goal setting seem less daunting.
The 5 categories included:
- spiritual
- educational
- physical/health
- social
- service
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Each person wrote their one goal/category on an index card. These were the 5 goals they would work on individually over the next 12 months. Prior to our New Years feast, we'd go around the room, listening as each person shared their 5 goals for the new year. This was done to embarrass or humiliated, but rather to show that everyone had areas they wanted to improve. As we rallied around one another, our family grew stronger. Twelve months later, on the following New Year's Day, we'd review our goals as a family to see which ones we completed and which ones would need to be "recycled". Our daughter, Sophia, frequently chose 2 and sometimes even 3 goals/category, and yet the following New Years Day when we'd gather to see how everyone did with their goals, she'd always hit her mark.
Valentine's Day
In the Rodriguez household, Valentine’s day is a family event, which spans more than just one day. It’s a true celebration of those we love. So each year, on February 1st, I would set an empty Ball jar in the center of our dining room table. Then each child would choose a favorite color from the bag (or 2) of candy hearts. Gabriel usually chose the blue hearts. Jonah would opt for orange. Sophia tossed back and forth from pink to purple. Once the jar was in place and heart colors were picked, our Valentine’s Challenge would officially begin.
Our Valentine’s Challenge was the same each year . . . . to fill the jar with candy hearts by February 14th. However, the hearts could only be earned by showing love to someone else. Each time one of our children did something kind for another person, I would add 1 of their colored hearts to the jar while also giving them 1 of their colored hearts to eat. This provided a sweet reward, as well as a visual tally of the love our children were showing towards others, in and out of our family. To keep things interesting, there was a caveat to our Valentine’s Challenge; hearts could be removed from the jar as easily as they were added. If a child was mean-spirited, one of their colored hearts would be removed from the jar. This kept everyone on their toes as we counted down the days to February 14th.
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Mission Accomplished! There was always an uptick in good deeds as we inched closer to Valentine’s day, and our kids pulled it off every year. The reward for meeting the Valentine’s Challenge was to go on a family outing, which oftentimes fell during the long Presidents Day weekend. So on the 14th, we would empty the contents of the jar to see who had the most hearts. The child with the most hearts would get to plan our outing for the family. Since it’s usually cold and snowy at this time of year where we live, our children often chose to attend one of the many children’s museums in our area.
In addition to the Valentine’s Challenge, we would host a Red Dinner with our children. This semi-formal event was held the Sunday closest to Valentine’s day. Our red-themed meal was the highlight, as we gathered around the beautifully decorated table in our fancy attire. It’s fun to look back on photos of Red Dinners from the past to see how our children got gussied up over the years. It was also encouraging watching their table manners improve from one year to the next. Our annual Red Dinner was yet another way to put family at the center of our Valentine’s celebration. Since my husband and I prefer to celebrate Valentine’s day after the fact, when crowds and pricing calm down a bit, the Red Dinner was a perfect way for us to balance both family and couple time.
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Love Notes were a time-honored Valentine’s day tradition as well. Family life is busy and oftentimes unscripted. Nevertheless, my husband and I were determined to keep up with our traditions. So, as was usually the case, very late on February 13th, my husband and I would write love notes to each of our children. These were simple garlands, made out of card stock and twine. There were 4 cut-out hearts per child on each piece of twine. I would write my love notes on 2 hearts, my husband would write his on the other 2 hearts. As parents, we knew of the ups and downs in our children’s lives. These love notes were tangible reminders of our support for them as their parents. After our children fell asleep, my husband and I would carefully hang each child’s garland, so that it would be the 1st thing they saw when they woke up on Valentine’s day. Then we would quietly set their Valentine’s gifts on the dining room table, right by the Ball jar full of their, hard-earned, candy hearts.
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Our children kept the love notes they got each Valentine's Day. They often revisited those messages of love during their difficult times. On June 19th of 2023, we lost everything in a house fire, including our treasured love notes. I’ll never forget how devastated our adult daughter was when she realized her treasured love notes were gone. While I can’t replace her collection of Valentine's Day garlands of the past, I am so grateful we have those memories to cherish.
